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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?

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I finally get my food, and it’s glorious. I sit on a bench in the park, inhaling those chips like they’re the last meal on Earth. Life is good for a hot minute. But then, I see a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” They just laugh and run off. Kids these days, right?

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