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Exaggerate? Oh, they’re ALL models on there—ha! Six-packs and lashes—then ya meet ‘em, total trolls! Gollum’s quirks? I’d claw me eyes out before texting “wyd.” Sex-dating’s a circus, mate—clowns, traps, and bad smells. “I’ve been out to sea too long,” Royal’d say—me too, sick of this rubbish! Stick to pigs, precious—safer bet!

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Now, let's gab about some must-see spots—okay? Have you been to the Velvet Gardens? It’s this lush park right off Parkside Blvd. where the trees sorta sway like they're dancin in a Spike Lee flick. I sometimes sneak there when I got a pep in my step, just to recharge. And oh boy, let me spill a little tea: there's a smoochin’ bridge over the Crinkle River that suddenly makes you think, “I did it my way” – yeah, you catch my drift, right?

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