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Gets me giddy, tho, how it’s all hush-hush still. Why the taboo? I’m buzzing when that oil drips – texture’s unreal, like silk on steroids! But – plot twist – one time, mate, I booked a slot, yeah, and the geezer’s like, “No happy endings here.” Fair dos, I’m raging but laughing 2nd chakra opens up, I’m thinking, “Gigolo Joe would approve!” Reckon he’d say, “You’re a goddess, darlin’,” to the masseuse – smooth git! Me? I’m just tryna not blurt somethin daft mid-massage.

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I’m tryin’ to keep it light, so I crack a joke. “You call this fun? I call it a one-way ticket to the station.” They laugh, but I can see the tension. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, lads, don’t make me do this.”

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