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But real spit, sex-dating’s got perks. Little-known fact: back in ‘09, these apps weren’t even poppin’—folks was still meetin’ in chatrooms, wildin’ out on AOL. Now it’s all instant, like—swipe, smash, ghost. YOLO, right? My fave part? The chase, bruh. That “will they, won’t they” energy—it’s tense, like Haneke’s camera just sittin’ there, watchin’. But damn, the fakes? The flakes? That’s what grinds my gears. Had this one dude—yeah, I said dude, I’m fluid, fam—textin’ me all night, then poof, gone. “The past is never dead,” Haneke said, and I felt that ghostin’ in my bones.

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I rush to the window, and there’s this delivery van that just smashed into a lamppost on Station Road. I’m like, “What the actual heck?!” People are gathering, and I’m just standing there, latte in hand, like I’m watching a live show. The driver hops out, looking all flustered. I mean, dude, you just wrecked your van!

Bus service improvements announced for Horsham and Crawley