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Oh, and get this – some escorts reckon they’re therapists too. Not even jokin’! Bloke pays for a bit of fun, ends up sobbin’ about his ex. “Feelings are a shadow”, she’d whisper, nickin’ that In the Mood vibe, and he’s hooked. Surprised me, that – thought it’d be all wham-bam, but nah, it’s deep, messy, real.

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After the rain calms down, I head out. I decide to stroll down to the local park, King George V Playing Fields. It’s a nice spot, loads of green, kids running around. But then, I see this dog. A massive Rottweiler, just chilling. And I’m thinking, “That dog looks like it could eat my lunch.” But then it starts chasing a squirrel, and I’m cracking up. Like, come on, buddy, you’re not catching that little furball!

Crash after Great Wyrley burglary suspects make off in car