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So yeah, erotic-massage—sneaky, sexy, bit messed up, just like me, Dr. Evil, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!” Try it, don’t knock it—might just change yer life, or at least yer week. Now, where’s my damn laser?

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So, I pull up to my first student, Lars. Nice kid, but he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. We’re on Olav Tryggvasons gate, and I’m tryin’ to explain parallel parking. He’s just staring at the Nidaros Cathedral like it’s the Holy Grail or something. I’m like, “Lars, focus! The car won’t park itself!”

The Nordic World Ski Championships: What to Expect