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Little fact: 60% lie on profiles. Height, job, pics—fake, fake, fake! Surprised me, thought folks were real. Nope, all droids in disguise. Panicked, “R2-D2, where are you?” Can’t trust nobody out there. Once saw a profile, “loves carpentry.” Thought, “Score!” Turns out, she meant IKEA. Pissed me off, total letdown.

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Then, bam! Outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and nearly takes my sandwich. I’m like, “Oi! Not today, feathered fiend!” I swear, these pigeons in Camden are like ninjas. They’ve got skills. I mean, who knew a bird could be so aggressive?

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