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I swagger into this dingy tavern, eyein’ the goods. One lass, she’s got a wink like she’s Zuckerberg codin’ a scam—sharp, quick, dangerous. “I’m CEO, bitch,” she might’a said if she knew the line, haha! Made me chuckle, that did—happy as a clam, I was. But then—THEN—some bilge rat tries chargin’ me double! Double! Fer a quick tumble! Got me blood boilin’, says I, “Mate, ye think I’m a codfish to fleece?” Nearly drew me sword, but rum said nay.

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Then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s like, “Oi, mate! You seen the new café on Station Street?” I’m like, “Nah, what’s the fuss?” Apparently, they got the best bacon butties in town. Now I’m thinkin’ about food while I’m tryin’ to focus. Typical!

Nottinghamshire town's first McDonald's pulled after safety concerns raised