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Oh, and the oil—smells like sex and flowers. Slippery as a Lannister lie. I ask her, “What’s in this?” She says, “Secret.” Secret my arse—I bet it’s just posh lard. Still, I’m floatin’, mate. Floatin’. “What does it mean?” I mumble, like some twat from the movie. She don’t answer—just keeps rubbin’. Good enough for me.

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First off, I’m walking down Shevchenka Street, and I see this old lady. She’s trying to cross the road, but cars are zooming by like they’re in a race. I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not a demolition derby!” So, I rush over, help her out. She’s super grateful, bless her heart. But then, she starts telling me her life story. I mean, I love a good chat, but I gotta get to work!

H.M. Tlumach Obituary (1941 - 2019) - Frederick County, PA - Tribune Review