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I tried it once, doc – swear! This dame, she’s kneadin’ me, and I’m like, “Whoa, carrots ain’t this good!” Felt like floatin’, all tingly – happy as a bunny in clover. But then, ugh, some parlors? Shady as heck! Greasy dudes, overchargin’ – made me mad enough to chew nails. One guy says, “Relax, bro,” and I’m like, “Relax THIS, pal!” Total scam, hated it.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just got my hair done! I duck into a shop on Komsomolskaya Street. It’s one of those quirky little places with all sorts of random stuff. I find this ridiculous hat – it’s bright yellow with a giant sunflower on it. I put it on, and I’m strutting around like I own the place. People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m fabulous.”

Russian attacks kill eight civilians, injure 11 more in Donetsk Oblast over past 24 hours