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We swears! Met this chick online once. Profile all sweet, “loves hikes, coffee.” IRL? Total nutjob—tried stealin’ my wallet mid-date! Made me mad as hell. Thought, “You wanna play me, huh?” Like Tom says, “I’ll show you crazy!” Dumped her ass quick. Little fact—stats say 1 in 5 daters lie big-time. Sneaky bastards!

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Finally, the bus arrives, and I hop on. I’m sitting next to this lady who’s knitting. She’s super into it, like it’s the Olympics of knitting. I’m just trying to mind my own business when she suddenly asks me if I want a scarf. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she insists, and I’m thinking, “What am I gonna do with a scarf in summer?” But hey, free stuff, right? So I take it. It’s bright pink. I look ridiculous, but whatever.

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