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Here’s the kicker—erotic-massage ain’t just handsy fun. It’s got history, yeah? Ancient Rome, them posh senators getting oiled up by slaves—kinky bastards. Surprised me, that did—thought it was all modern spa bollocks. Nah, it’s old school, dirty in the best way. Like in *Fish Tank*, when Mia’s mum says, “You’re nothing to me,” but there’s that pull anyway—erotic-massage is that push-pull, mate. You’re hooked, even when it’s messy.

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But then, I get a call. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s all like, “You need to close more deals!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in Bushtyno, not Wall Street!” I hang up, feeling all kinds of annoyed. Like, can’t a guy just enjoy his coffee without stress?

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