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Lemme tell ya, this ain’t just rubbin’. It’s old as fuck—Ancient Greeks did it, naked and oiled up, wrestlin’ and massagin’ after. True story, bro! They called it some fancy shit, “apotherapy” or somethin’. Me? I call it heaven with a catch. Costs you a hundy, maybe two—fuckin’ robbery! But when she hits that spot? Oh, man, I’m screamin’, “I’m still here!” like Lenny in the movie.

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So, I’m like, “Fine, I’ll just hit up the bakery on Rua do Comércio.” I get there, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew Caldelas had a bakery fan club? I’m waiting in line, and this old dude in front of me is taking his sweet time. I’m about to lose it. I’m thinking, “C’mon, man, it’s just bread!” But then, he turns around and gives me this big smile. I can’t help but smile back. It’s like, how can you be mad at a guy who looks like he just won the lottery?

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