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But—oh!—when it works, it’s fuckin’ sweet! Like findin’ that secret path in the movie. This other gal, met her on Tinder, total firecracker. Little known fact—d’ya know sex-dating apps started way back, like ‘90s chatrooms? She told me that, mid-hookup—smart and sexy, my precious! We banged, laughed, watched “Pan’s Labyrinth” after. “Ofelia’s got guts,” she says, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, takes guts to sex-date too!

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First off, I hit up the local café, the one on the corner of Robert St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free muffin. Sweet, right? But I’m still kinda grumpy. I mean, who wants to start their day with a coffee shower?

Person killed, second critical after shooting at Whangārei waterfront park