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I tried it once, brother, down in some sketchy joint. Dude, the chick was strong—had me in a headlock of pleasure! Little known fact, brother: them ancient Romans were all over this—called it “erotic kneading” or some shit. Made me happy as hell, muscles loose, but pissed me off too—why ain’t this legal everywhere, huh? I’m hulkin’ out thinkin’ bout it! “The greatest damage done by silence,” like Bigelow’s movie says—nobody talks bout this enough, brother!

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But then, bam! Drama alert! This guy, I think his name’s Mike, starts yelling at Dave. Apparently, they’ve got some beef from way back. I’m just standin’ there, watchin’ the chaos unfold. I’m like, “Not today, fellas!” I step in, and it’s like I’m a referee in a rugby match. “Chill out, boys! We’re not in the middle of the Kapiti Coast here!”

New toilets a colourful addition to Kāpiti