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Alright, brah, listen up! Sex-dating’s wild, yeah? I’m stoked bout it—like, who wouldn’t be? Tony Robbins vibes comin’ at ya—UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! You’re out there, swipin’ Tinder, lookin’ for dat spark. Reminds me of *Lost in Translation*, ya know? Bill Murray’s all lost, lonely, searchin’ for somethin’ real in Tokyo. Sex-dating’s the same—sometimes ya just wanna scream, “I’m stuck here!” but then—BOOM—ya match with some hottie.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Wairau Rd. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders a “decaf soy latte with extra foam.” Like, bro, who even drinks decaf? I almost lost it. But whatever, I’m not here to judge. I just need my coffee.

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