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Then she says, “50 quid, upfront.” I’m gutted—50?! In ’72, you’d get a shag for a tenner! I’m hagglin, cos Bond don’t overpay, and she’s smirkin like I’m some punter. “Shaken, not stirred, darling,” I say, and she rolls her eyes. We seal the deal, and mate, it’s worth it—better than a Pussy Galore fantasy. “What’s the—worst that can happen?” Doc’d say, and I’m thinkin, gettin caught? Worth the risk.

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First off, I’m a document specialist, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with papers all day. Boring, I know. But today? Oh boy. I had to run to the office on Via Roma. You know, the street that’s always buzzing? Yeah, that one. I’m cruising down the road, and suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what’s the deal, Treviolo? It’s not even rush hour!

Milan cops arrest nine over rapper-gang war