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About Wellington

Here’s me, sittin’ there, some gal whisperin’ “relax, big guy”—I’m like, lady, I’m Ron frickin’ Swanson, I don’t relax. Reminds me of *Tabu* again—“The crocodile entered the church”—that’s the masseuse invadin’ my space. Hate that. But—fine—some folks swear it’s magic. Releases tension, boosts “energy flow,” blah blah. Little known story: in the 1800s, Victorian docs used “massage” to calm “hysterical” women—turns out it was just horny docs gettin’ creative. Surprised me, honestly—didn’t think they had it in ‘em. Kinda funny, kinda sick.

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Then, I had this wild idea. I thought, “Why not organize a community event?” Something fun, you know? So I started chatting with some locals. We’re throwin’ around ideas, and suddenly, I’m the guy in charge of planning a festival. What have I done? I’m not ready for this! But the excitement in the air was contagious.

Waipa Tavern in Ngāruawāhia to be demolished after overnight fire