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Oh, funny ting—dis dude once sent me a dick pic, captioned “Prime cut.” I laughed my ass off, like, “Wrong butcher, bro!” Gotta have humor, ya? It’s messy, sloppy, real—sex-dating’s no fairy tale, but damn, it’s alive! Like Sofia’s film, quiet chaos, ya feel me? So, go out dere, swipe hard, live big—Arnold’s got your back!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this dude, right? He’s tryin’ to parallel park his car on the side of the road. I mean, come on, mate! It’s not rocket science! He’s goin’ back and forth, back and forth. I’m just sittin’ there, laughin’ my head off. Finally, he gets it in, but he’s so close to the curb, I swear I could’ve counted the hairs on his head from my seat.

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