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Ayy, Gabagool? Ova here! So, escort, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ trip thinkin’ about them escorts, like in “Ten,” ya know, that movie I’m nuts about. That Abbas Kiarostami joint—cars, people talkin’, real raw shit. Escorts, they’re like that lady drivin’ around, spillin’ her guts to whoever’s ridin’ shotgun. I seen some wild stuff, fam. Back in Jersey, we had this crew, right? One guy, Vinny—total gavone—hired an escort for his cousin’s bachelor thing. She shows up, all class, like she’s gonna sip wine and talk philosophy. Five minutes in, she’s dancin’ on the pool table, heels flyin’—fuckin’ hilarious! Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my prosciutto.

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But then, I get a text from my flatmate. “Dude, you left the jam on the counter!” I’m like, “Noooo!” I can’t believe it. I just bought that stuff! I’m torn between being mad and laughing. I mean, who forgets jam?

Lincoln City 0-2 Wrexham: Wrexham round off season in style with Lincoln win