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About Tilburg

I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a skill. These massage folks? Trained like ninjas. They know spots you didn’t even know you had. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, some underground spa in LA got busted ‘cause the mayor’s cousin was a regular. Shit hit the fan, cops mad as hell, but the clients were just chillin’, half-naked, like, “Worth it.”

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After that, I decide to hit up the Beekse Bergen. You know, the safari park? I’m thinkin’ I’ll see some cool animals, maybe snap a few pics for the ‘gram. But nah, it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I swear, I’ve seen less traffic on a Friday night in Amsterdam. I’m stuck in line, and this kid behind me keeps kickin’ my shoe. I turn around, and I’m like, “Hey, little dude, chill!” But he just giggles. Kids, man.

Watch: Bears examine, swat pink balloon at Beekse Bergen