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About Amsterdam

Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we decide to hit the beach again. The sunset was insane! Like, orange and pink everywhere. I’m standing there, feeling all deep and stuff, when I see a couple getting engaged. I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute!” But then I realize I’m still in my wet clothes, looking like a drowned rat.

Fireworks, bonfires likely allowed in The Hague this New Year's