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Sex-dating’s a circus, tho. Apps like Tinder, Bumble—pure chaos! Fun fact: 42% of users ain’t even single—cheaters galore, Clarice! Stats I dug up, blew my mind. And don’t get me started on dick pics—guys sendin’ em like resumes. Hilarious, but pathetic. “A story about loneliness,” Kaufman’d call it—every swipe’s a plea.

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Then, I get a call from my business partner. He’s freaking out about some shipment delays. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s Sarykemer, not the end of the world.” But he’s all stressed, and I’m just trying to enjoy my day. I hang up, and I’m fuming. Why can’t people just relax?