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But then - ugh, this geezer rocks up, all sleazy, grabby hands. Made me furious, that! Wanted to clock him, but I’m no Rocky, am I? Just glared, thinkin’, “Love’s not like that, pal!” Straight outta *Amour* - “I’ll take care of you,” but nah, she don’t need me savin’ her. She’s tough, bruv, tougher than me boardroom banter!

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You would think for north of $ a night you could be guaranteed wi-fi in your room, but forget it at this place.

Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m runnin’ for cover, and I end up duckin’ into this little café on Kabanbay Batyr Street. I order a cup of tea, and the barista is super chill. We start chattin’, and I find out she’s from Almaty. I’m like, “Why’d you move here?” She says she loves the vibe. I’m thinkin’, “Vibe? It’s just a bunch of concrete!” But hey, to each their own, right?

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