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About Ust-Kamenogorsk

Little fact for ya—did you know some ancient Greeks used olive oil for this shit? Slick and sexy, right? Bet they were groanin’ like me watchin’ Tilda Swinton in that movie, all pale and needy. “Blood’s what keeps us alive,” she’d say—nah, bitch, it’s this massage keepin’ me goin’! I’d exaggerate, say it’s better than sex, but fuck, it’s close!

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First off, I hit up the market on Kairbekov Street. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m lookin’ for some fresh pelts. I’m all about that quality, ya know? But guess what? The vendor, old man Zhenya, is outta stock! I’m like, “Dude, what gives?” He just shrugs, munching on a samsa. I swear, if I had a tenge for every time he ran outta stuff, I’d be rich.