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Now, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no prude—love me a good romance—but sex-dating’s a whole ‘nother beast. It’s like folks tradin’ dignity for a quick romp. “A man’s worth lies in his deeds,” Solomon Northup said in the movie, but these jokers out here measurin’ worth by how fast they can unbutton a shirt! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? I seen profiles—gals posin’ with fish, guys flexin’ with their mom’s Camry—y’all, it’s a circus! One time, my buddy tried it, got ghosted after sendin’ a pic of his dog. Dog was cute, tho—shame on her.

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And then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I’m talking full-on monsoon. I ducked into a little shop on Via Mazzini, and guess what? They had the cutest umbrellas. I bought one, but it was bright pink. I felt like a walking cotton candy. But hey, at least I was dry, right?

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