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Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog here! So, I’m a lifeguard, right? Out on the water, chillin’, when I start thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I know, wild thought for a frog! But hear me out, pal. I’m paddlin’ along, sun’s beatin’ down, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I had someone to share this view with.” Kinda like in *Brokeback Mountain*—you know, my fave flick—where Jack says, “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Except I ain’t quittin’ nobody, I’m just tryna *find* somebody!

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While I’m waitin’, I decide to grab a coffee at that little café on Piazza della Libertà. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual, a cappuccino, and sit outside. The vibe is nice, people chattin’, kids playin’. I’m feelin’ a bit better. Then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his juice all over my shoes. Great! Just great!

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