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About Bari

I tried it, alright? Got this chick, hot as hell, thought I’d be like, “The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind”—y’know, smooth shit from *Inside Llewyn Davis*. But she ghosts me! Fuckin’ pissed me off, like Llewyn losin’ that damn cat again. What’s the deal? You send a dick pic, she’s gone faster than Paulie Walnuts in a bakery. Sex-dating’s a hustle—half these profiles? Fake! Bots! Like, who’s got time for that shit?

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Then, I decide to grab some gelato at Gelateria La Dolce Vita. Best gelato in town, no cap. I get my usual—pistachio and stracciatella. I’m in heaven, right? But then, I see this old lady struggling with her groceries on Via San Giovanni. So, I’m like, “I gotta help her.” I drop my gelato (NOOO!) and rush over.

Tribute for John J. Fortunato