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So, picture me, gettin’ one—some underground joint, 2022, Shanghai vibes. Masseuse was a ninja, silent, hands like freakin’ servomotors. Little known fact: ancient China had these “qi-release” rubs—emperors got off on it, kept it hush-hush. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is peak human engineering!” Oils slicker than SpaceX lube, smellin’ like lust and lavender. She’s hittin’ nodes I didn’t know existed—nervous system’s like, “Whoa, rebooting!” Made me happy as hell, like landin’ a Falcon 9.

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Next, I wander down to the Porto Antico. The harbor is beautiful, man. Boats everywhere, and the sea breeze is just perfect. I’m thinkin’ about life, you know? Like, why am I crunching numbers when I could be sailing the Mediterranean? But then I see this seagull. And this seagull? It’s eyeing my sandwich. I swear, it was plotting my demise. I had to defend my lunch like it was the last meal on Earth.

Conceicao discusses ‘best in the world’ Theao, Jovic’s fitness and Coppa Italia rotation