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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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So, I’m tryin’ to get back on track when I hear this loud crash. I rush outside, and there’s a car that just smashed into the wall. I’m thinkin’, “What is this, a demolition derby?” Turns out, some kid was tryin’ to impress his friends. Great job, genius! Now you’ve got a wrecked car and a bunch of angry locals.

ICYMI: Paying a visit to 'I Got Balls' in Tottenville