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Oi, mate, lemme spill some tea! I’m Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – yer resident psycho-whatever from the Russian Academy, yeah? Sex-dating’s wild, innit? Like, ya swipe right, bam, shag central! Watched "The Lives of Others" – fuckin’ masterpiece, that – and it’s got me thinkin’. Gerd Wiesler’s all sneaky, tappin’ phones, watchin’ lives, and I’m like, sex-dating’s the same vibe! You’re spyin’ on profiles, tryna catch a fit bird or bloke. “We’re actors in our own play!” – that’s the movie, right? Dead true for hookups too.

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Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and boom! A guy bumps into me, and my coffee goes flying. I’m like, “Seriously?!” But then I see it’s my buddy Marco. We start laughin’ about it, and I forget my anger.

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