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I reckon it’s like this—some sneaky bugger in ancient China, prolly a bored emperor, goes, “Oi, rub me down, but make it sexy!” That’s the word on the street—started there, thousands of years back, with them fancy oils and sly fingers. Ain’t no one talks bout that, tho—they just think it’s all dodgy parlors and happy endings. Pisses me off, that! It’s art, mate, bloody art! Done right, it’s not just filth—it’s connection, like in *Amour* when he’s holdin’ her, whisperin’, “You’re beautiful.” Gets me all mushy, don’t it?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Botany Road. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the barista, bless her, totally messed it up. I mean, how do you mess up a flat white? It’s like, come on! I was ready to throw a fit, but then she gave me a free muffin. So, I guess that’s a win?

22 McCahill Views, Botany Downs, Manukau City