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Once, this lass, fit as, says, “You’re cute.” Me, blushing, “Oh, ta!” Then she’s like, “Send pics.” I panic, send me foot! *points at shoe, shrugs* She unmatched. Fair. Dodged a bullet, maybe. *nods sagely* Oh, and typos, mate—sexting’s a minefield! “Wanna duck?” I meant—y’know. *winks, trips again* Laughed me head off!

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But then, I get this idea. I’m gonna reenact a Roman scene with my sheep! So, I start makin’ sheep noises, and I’m like, “Baa, baa, the great shepherd!” I’m crackin’ myself up. But then, I look up, and there’s a couple of tourists watchin’ me. They’re laughin’ and takin’ videos. I’m like, “Great, now I’m internet famous for bein’ a weirdo.”

Sicily: crossroad of civilizations; but where’s the mafia?