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Yesss, precious, me a vet! Hiss! Talkin’ bout findin’ a prossie—nasty business, eh? Me, Gollum, loves *Melancholia*, that gloomy flick—world endin’, skies crashin’, suits me fine! “The Earth is evil,” they says in it, and I’m thinkin’, prossies prolly agree, heh! So, findin’ one? Tricky, tricksy stuff, yeh? Me old mate Sméagol, he’s all soft, “Oh, help ‘em, poor lasses!” but me? Hiss! They’re sneaky, hidin’ in shadows—like me with the Ring!

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Then, I had a client meeting at a café on Via Madonna del Ponte. I was all set to help this lady find a dress for her daughter’s wedding. She was late, of course. I mean, c’mon, it’s Balestrate! You can’t be late to a meeting when the sun’s shining and the gelato’s calling! Finally, she shows up, and she’s like, “I need something fabulous!” I’m thinking, “Girl, we’re in a small town, not Milan!” But I kept my cool.

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