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Oh, and the profiles—fuckin’ hilarious! “I like pizza and sex.” No shit, Sherlock, who doesn’t? Idiots think they’re deep writin’ that. I’d rather shag Samantha’s voice than date these clowns. “Her” taught me one thing—connection’s rare, even in sex-dating. You’re chasin’ a buzz, but it’s all surface-level bollocks. Still, I’d give it a go again—maybe I’m the idiot sandwich here! What you reckon, you daft prick?

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb. I pass by the beautiful Chiesa di San Michele. It’s stunning, man. I stop to take a pic, and this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re not from here, are you?” I’m like, “Nah, just visiting.” She starts telling me about the history of the church, and I’m trying to be polite, but I’m also thinking, “Lady, I just wanna take my selfie.” But she’s sweet, so I listen.

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