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Oi, quirks? I’m mutterin’ “my precious” at every dented Escort I inspect – obsessed, me! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but one crashed into a cow once, swear it, moo-vin’ violation! We swears! Escorts ain’t glamorous, just real – like *Amour*, “it’s life, so what?” Tell ya mate, if ya got one, insure it proper – they’re magnets for mad shite! Gollum knows, seen it all!

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So, I finally make it to the café on Piazza della Libertà. It’s a cute spot, but the barista? Ugh. He’s got the personality of a wet sponge. I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, please! But he gives me this tiny cup. I’m like, “Dude, I asked for a cappuccino, not a shot of espresso!” He just shrugs. I’m fuming.

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