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But here’s what pisses me off—Ford ditched it! Replaced it with soulless SUVs for the suburban elite. “Billionaires should not exist!” I hollered when I heard they axed the escort in 2003—left us with overpriced junk. Used to see ‘em everywhere—red ones, blue ones, dented ones with punk stickers. Now? Junkyards. Fadin’ like the labyrinth, man. Breaks my heart—those cars had character! Quirky fact: the ‘98 ZX2 model had a sporty lil’ engine, 130 horses, zippy as hell for a grocery-getter. Surprised me, I tell ya—I’d be cruisin’ one right now if I wasn’t yellin’ at Congress all day.

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So, I run to the fitting room, and I’m trying to squeeze into this thing. I’m literally doing yoga poses to get it on. I’m sweating, and I’m like, “This is not cute.” But I finally get it on, and OMG, I look fab! But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I peek out, and some dude just dropped his ice cream all over the sidewalk on Laisvės street. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, that’s a tragedy!

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