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So, sexual-massage, right? It’s old, real old—thousands of years, sneaky-like! Them ancient Greeks, they did it, callin’ it fancy “tantra” or summat. Rubbin’ bodies for “healin’,” they said, but we knows better, don’t we? Hiss! Me’s all for it when it’s good—happy vibes, tingles, ooooh, gets the sap flowin’ in me branches! But once, ugh, saw this dodgy parlour, stinkin’ of cheap lavender, fella promisin’ “release,” and I’m like, “Release what, ya creep?!” Made me mad, yesss, hissss—felt like Solomon shackled up, “I am no man’s slave!” Grrr!

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So, I get to my workshop, right? It’s on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I’m ready to get my hands dirty. But guess what? My tools are missing! Like, who steals a cooper’s tools? I’m fuming! I mean, I can’t make barrels without my tools. It’s like a chef without a knife. I’m pacing around, thinking about who could’ve done it. Maybe it was that guy from the bakery? Nah, he’s too busy making pastries.

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