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So, I’m cruisin’ downtown—total chaos, mate! Saw this bird, right, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Look at me, bitches!”—straight outta the movie, I swear! I’m thinkin’, whoa, she’s got that wild energy, like Faith in *Spring Breakers*, all reckless and free. I go up, all smooth-like, “Hey, luv, fancy a shag?” She laughs—bloody hell, her cackle’s loud! Made me jump, nearly lost my mojo!

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Then I head over to the market on Egnatia Street. Omg, the hustle! People everywhere, shouting about fresh veggies and fish. I’m dodging old ladies with shopping carts like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. And then, I see it. The biggest watermelon I’ve ever seen! I’m talking like, “Is that a watermelon or a small child?” I had to buy it.

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