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But then—anger! These shady parlors, “happy ending” crap, givin’ it a bad rap. Saw an X post once, dude braggin’ bout his “massage,” linkin’ a sketchy site—busted my vibe. “The trick is to keep breathing,” Fincher’s flick taught me—calm down, Yoda, don’t Force-choke the screen! Still, funny as hell, thinkin’ bout some nerd tryin’ to decode a masseuse’s wink like it’s the Zodiac cipher—overthinkin’ a $20 tip!

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Finally, I get my ramen. It’s steamin’ hot, and I’m ready to dive in. But then, BAM! A pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my bowl! I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman. “Get outta here, bird!” People are laughin’ at me. Great, just great.