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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.
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While I’m munching, I see this guy outside, soaked to the bone, trying to fix his bike. I’m cracking up. Like, dude, it’s not your day! I offer him my umbrella, and he’s like, “Nah, I’m good.” I’m thinking, “You sure? You look like a drowned rat!” But whatever, I respect the hustle.
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