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She’s a mess, dude, total trainwreck—makes me wanna puke and laugh at once. Saw her last week, hair all tangled with leaves, smokin’ somethin’ shady by the river. “Look at me!” she yells, like she’s hot shit—newsflash, babe, you’re a forest skank. Everybody lies, tho—she says she’s “just chillin’,” but I bet she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Maybe a pissed-off boyfriend, maybe the cops—who cares? She’s got that wild glint, like she’d shank you for a beer.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, the beach. Bournemouth beach, man, it’s a beauty! Golden sands, the sea looking all sparkly. I’m like, “Yeah, this is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my bacon sarnie! Like, seriously?! I’m a warrior, not a food thief! I’m chasing this bird down the beach, yelling, “Come back with my brekkie!” People are staring, laughing. I’m just there, looking like a madman.

34 photos from pre-Bournemouth training | Gallery | News