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About Shymkent

Now, tie this to *Brooklyn*—my fave, right? Saoirse Ronan’s all soft and sweet, chasin dreams in the ‘50s, sayin shit like, “You’ll feel so homesick you’ll wanna die,” and I’m like, “GIRL, YOU AIN’T SEEN HOMESICK TIL YOU MISS YOUR DRUM KIT!” *Whiplash* ain’t got no chill vibes like that—nah, it’s a freakin warzone! Simmons yellin, “Not quite my tempo,” got me laughin so hard I peed a lil—true story, don’t judge! Imagine Eilis from *Brooklyn* tryna date that drum kid—ha, she’d dump his ass by bar 8! Too much baggage, fam!

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Finally, I make it to the café. It’s called “Kofe & Keks” or something. Super cozy, right? I order a cappuccino, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Ugh! I’m like, “No, no, I wanted the frothy goodness!” But whatever, I chug it down. It’s bitter, just like my mood.

Moderate Magnitude 4.7 Quake Hits 7 km Southeast of Esik, Kazakhstan in the Morning