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Now, I ain’t tried it—yet. My wife’d kill me deader’n a doornail! But I’m curious, y’all. Them parlors got neon signs whisperin’ sweet nothins’, promisin’ release like Harry and Marion chasin’ that high. “We got dreams, baby,” I hear ‘em say, but next thing ya know, you’re broke and oily! I’m laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ ‘bout some poor sap explainin’ that receipt to his CPA. “Uh, business expense?” Yeah, right, buddy!

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Finally, I make it to the café. It’s called “Kofe & Keks” or something. Super cozy, right? I order a cappuccino, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Ugh! I’m like, “No, no, I wanted the frothy goodness!” But whatever, I chug it down. It’s bitter, just like my mood.

Significant magnitude 5.3 quake hits 26 km north of Cholpon-Ata, Kyrgyzstan around noon