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About Johannesburg

So, erotic-massage—it's not just rubdowns. It’s psychology, babes! Little-known fact—ancient Greeks were *all* over it. Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, right? Made me happy af—history’s kinky side! But ugh, modern spas? Overpriced nonsense! Fifty bucks for a tease? Pissed me off—gimme real skill!

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

Once a Ventura Harbor landmark, this carousel may never spin again