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Well, hello there, Clarice—err, mate! Sex-dating, huh? Total bloody mess sometimes. Like, you’re swiping, horny as hell, thinkin’ you’ll score. Then bam—ghosted! Drives me up the wall. Reminds me of *A Separation*—all that tension, y’know? “The children are watching us,” Nader said. Same vibe on these apps—everyone’s judgin’, waitin’ for a slip-up. I’ve seen profiles, pics half-naked, bio’s like “DTF, no drama.” Ha! Drama’s baked in, fam.

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I remember my first day here. I was new and stoked, walkin’ down Doherty Lane (so fun to say, huh?) with my cheesy grin and dreams. Then, I bumped into old Mrs. Finny at the bazaar near Riverside Mall. She scolded me, "Child, do you know how many stories hide in these walls?" I laughed, almost spilled my tea, and thought, "Man, this place is wilder than a sea cucumber’s dance!"

Modjadjiskloof residents fume over new property valuations