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Oh, and the typos? Fuck it—escrot, escprt, who cares? It’s raw, like me in the ring. Point is, escort’s this weird mix—sad, funny, badass. Like *Let the Right One In*, it sticks with ya, quiet but loud. “Be me, for a little while,” Eli says—escorts prolly say that too, just with a wink and a bill. Wild world, bro.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best espresso ever! I mean, I could swim in that stuff. But then, bam! I spill it all over my favorite shirt. Classic me, right? I’m there, scrubbing at my shirt like a madman, and the barista’s laughin’ at me. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You try dodgin’ a bull and see how you look!”

Our pick of Design Miami/Basel: from a €6 million donkey planter to a Surrealist cage bed