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Here’s a lil’ secret, buddy—didja know sex-dating apps got started ‘cause some nerd couldn’t get laid? True story! Back in the ‘90s, lonely hearts were mailin’ letters, now it’s all “hey bae, u up?” *snorts* Progress, huh? Makes me happy seein’ folks chase tail like it’s a game show—ding ding, next contestant! But it’s messy, oh boy, messy like a pigsty! People ghostin’, lyin’, postin’ pics from 10 years ago—hilarious, right?

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This city’s got alleyways where secrets hide, like one called Mossy Lane – seriously, its walls whisper tales – and you wouldn't believe the graffiti on Riverside Drive. Imagine relaxing at Lotus Park – a green gem – with rivers that ripple like a lost spirit’s tears. I once had a wild day here, mixing spa oils while watching kids play by the sparkling river. I'd swear the water spoke, "You must free your heart, idiot sandwich!" Yep, too cheesy? Nah, it's real!

Capital Bikeshare station to open at Academic Building One in Alexandria on May 27