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About New York City

Funny thing – she calls me “big guy,” smirks, “You lost or somethin?” Sarcasm drippin, brother! I’m like, “Nah, just cruisin for a champ!” We haggle – she’s sharp, ups the price, I flex back, “Hulkster don’t overpay!” Landed a deal, tho – fair, no BS. Little tip: always carry small bills, brother – they hate big ones, slows shit down.

Albuquerque, New Mexico

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As a masseur, I pick up on every tension, every vibe. I see stress in tourists who always miss the chill of Taos. Dude, they could learn a lot if they spent a day at the river, soaking in the sun – my favorite spot is this sketchy bench on the edge of Rio Hondo. I sometimes mumble like a total Cartman, “Respect my authoritah!” when people cut off my zen time. I get so mad when noisy trucks ruin my aura!

4 Investigates: Stolen Taos art recovered