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Now, it’s not just a quick fumble—there’s history, real *gravitas*! Ancient Rome, *massage parlours*, they had ‘em—*eroticus maximus*, I reckon! Blokes in togas, gettin’ oiled up, proper *luxuria*. Little known fact: Cleopatra, yeah, she had lads massagin’ her with rose oil—divine, eh? Bet she didn’t faff about with “likes” or “pokes”—straight to the good stuff! Makes me happy, thinkin’ of that—pure indulgence, no bloomin’ emails pingin’.

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Finally, we get a team out there. I’m glued to the radio, praying for this guy’s safety. I mean, it’s the Han River, not a kiddie pool! After what feels like an eternity, they pull him out. He’s soaked but alive. I’m like, “Dude, you’re lucky!”

Sheriff speaks to Korean police